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[Oct. 9th, 2009|09:51 pm] |
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| |  loved | ] |
You know its a deep and wonderful love when:
Even though you disagree, you take the time to see each others point of view and understand where they are coming from.
In the middle of a disagreement, there are no raised voices and you even make jokes and can laugh at the situation.
You make the effort to push past walls you never wanted to push through to let them see deeper into you.
You never wonder "what if" cause you always ask your partner the what ifs.
You never run out of things to talk about, but the once in a while it's quiet, their breathing is enough to soothe you.
You never regret.
Over the Past Year My Life has undergone some MAJOR changes. Actually it started like 3 years ago when I finally decided to find out what this polyamory thing really ment. ( I say polyamory thing) because I didn't fully understand all the Joys and Difficulties that came with it. I also did not realize how much of a Spiritual connection goes into being Polyamerous atleast for me anyway. As I am learning and developing my spirituality and my relationships with others it is Truly eye opening. In the last 3 years I have deepened my love with 1 and changed my situation with others 1 by my choice and 1 not so much by my choice. But all 3 have helped me learn more about myself and they all have helped turn me into the Man that is here now. I am in no way a complete person now BUT I have learned NOT to regret anything I have done in the past or will do in the future because every action has 2 possible reactions. 1 reaction is a positive and 1 is a negative. How I deal with each situation and how I develop from there is My choice and Mine alone.
Sorry if this seems like a rambling on But I felt I had to express myself in this manor. Now for other updates in my life, My lovely daughter is turning 16 and is already asking me when she can get her Drivers License and start driving. I can't believe I made it this far with her and I haven't gone crazy yet. But really she is a GREAT kid and I love her sooooo much. I have also developed more in my spiritual life and I also am starting to feel a draw towards maybe becoming a neophyte but I still have some work to do before that can happen.
Now for the really big unfortunate news for me, I have to have surgery on my ankle as it is pretty much been destroyed over years of working hard on it and not taking proper care of my ankle from the start. The Dr says I will have to be out of work for atleast 8 weeks and not to put any weight on it for about that long. I will feel the sadness when I can't make it to Circles and miss the fellowship of my fellow covenmates and friends. Atleast I was able to put the surgery off till after Samhain so I will be there for that. Please feel free to send any healing energies my way as I will need them.
Thank you all for reading my rants and hope to see you soon |
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| whats going on |
[Nov. 25th, 2008|12:37 am] |
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| |  indescribable | ] |
Well, Here I am again writing my feelings down about a few things that I just have to get off my chest. First thing is I have readed a good mark with S we made it to 2 years together. Gods that woman Must be crazy to put up with me for that long but, I LOVE her and as long as she wants me around I will be here. 2nd when I got back from MJ I set some pretty Hard goals for myself to stick to and I am proud that I have done good so far. I came home on Oct 13 and told K that she had 1 month to get a job or she was OUT. Not ending our relationship But just not living in my house. Well, she admittedly put me to the test but she did manage to get a job at the 11th hour so to speak and now she is here on her Last 2 months as I had also stated in November. However during the course of the past month I have removed K's collar because I felt she didn't take it seriously and because I wanted her to really understand that it is HER own actions that took it from her Not my hands. She is still my submissive but that is for another Longer post but atleast I had the courage in myself to actually Make the statement that she was Going to be put out and I was willing to stick to my words.
This entire chain of events over the past month or so has been very hard and yet very enlightening ( sp? yeah I know its spelled wrong so shoot me LOL) into what I am really willing to stand for and how to get what I need in my life. More importantly what I need to do for my Daughter and her life. S and K and even C are VERY important in my Life but Nothing compares to N. I am sooooo proud of her because she is doing well in school and while she and I have our fights and problems she is a Great KID. She mentioned to me today after we looked at her report card that she was Never on Honor roll Before she moved in with me and that she was Glad to be here. That about broke my heart and put a Great big smile on my face and yes as she made me smile she still picked on me and got me good with some of her jokes but I know it was just to not seem like she was mushy with her Dad. Man aren't Kids great.
I still have a Long road ahead of me with everything going on But I have a Goal I want to accomplish for 2009. I want to Be DRAMA FREE in 2009, this means NO more feeling "Guilty" when I make a decision that I want to do something but don't because someone else isn't happy with for no reason. I will Not be made to feel Guilty for doing what I want to do (within LEGAL limits) or going where I want to go. I do not want to feel like I have to prepare for a LONG talk with people because it is not a good time for stuff to be going on. |
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| Life goes on |
[Oct. 15th, 2008|10:51 pm] |
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| |  energetic | ] |
Well here I am 2 days after returning from MJ. Life is still here and it is letting me know little by little but, Now how I deal with it is different. I never really thought much about my own energy and how to work with it let alone how it would change how I view the world. I was REALLY shocked actually Monday night when I got back home and my daughter said to me. " Wow Dad, You are Different" when I asked her How was I different all she said was I don't know but you Seem Different. I didn't do anything different when I got home that I do not do any other day. If I never believed in how energy pours out into others I would definately be a beliver Now( just and FYI I did/do believe and have for a long time about energy and the outside world). I was amazed at how empowered I felt/Feel because of my new found way of using the energy within and around me.
I also learned a technique that I didn't believe could work But BOY was I wrong. I learned this from a New friend at MJ her name was Michelle she is a wonderful woman who was willing to share a healing technique with our entire class. The Technique is EFT ( Emotional Freedom Technique). It is a way of using the energy within oneself to help with healing. I was VERY SCEPTICAL about this at first than I tried it myself and Now I am a prophet of the technique. I even told a friend Over the phone who was having gaulbladder pain. She is scheduled to have surgery on the 22nd. She was talking to me on the phone and she was in a good deal of pain at the time we were talking. After I told her the technique she hung up to try it out, she called back 5 minutes later and said there was NO pain.
If anyone is interested who was not at MJ in our class feel free to google search it .
Thanks for listening/reading ttyl |
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| LONG TIME COMMING |
[Oct. 13th, 2008|06:25 pm] |
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| | energetic | ] |
I just got back from Mythical Journey's and I learned a lot and I came back with a new sense of determination and resolve. Since March when I moved into my New apartment my daughter and I were getting comfortable with living on our own. I even had a serious talk with Iris about NOT wanting to live with anyone and less than 2 months after I got the apartment I have K my other G/f move in and she has been here since.
I discovered FINALLY after several Cosmic Clue By 4's and SERVERAL friendly talks and some Not so friendly talks that I am not helping K but that I am enabling her. I didn't know how to tell her no or let her go out and fail I was always worried that she would hate me for Not being there. I am her Lover and Friend and I thought that I had to take responsability for helping her all the time. Well, I didn't realize that sometimes Helping mean Letting go and if she dislikes me and leaves me than so be it. I was afraid with NO good reason, I mean I have a GREAT FANTASTIC relationship with Iris and I have a good solid relationship with C. Both of these wonderful women are Poly, Pagan and OVERLY supportive of me, they support me More than I deserve.
No while at MJ I took the Seven Sacred Truths which was a life changing track for me. I learned how to work with energy and how to work with my chakra's and read others chakra's some as well. I learned that my 5th chakra was blocked and that is why I could not communicate the things I need to and to deal better with my current life situations and the people in it. 1 of the Biggest things that I had to do was to finally do something about the person living in my house and not contributing to anything. I mean Yes she is my g/f BUT there was nothing but an energy drain and a Lot of other issues that I could not hold in anymore. I finally decide to tell K that she needs to get a Job( since she lost hers 2 months ago and stopped helping out around the house finacially) and that she has to move out. I have known this for atleast the last month and I just have not had the ability to verbalize it to her. That ended today. I was not mean or harsh but I was direct I told her she needs to get a job in less than 1 month or she will be gone. Now when she gets a job I will than tell her that she will have 2 months to get an apartment.
I do love her BUT if she doesn't leave I will grow to Hate her and I know she will grow to hate me. I do not want to loose a friend in her but there is NO real support or anything that is viable to encourage and build me up. I need to start cutting Dead weight and if she is going to be dead weight than she is GONE. I feel so empowered and so relieved that I was able to say that to her and to get it out of my self. Holding it in was killing me and it was not fair to my other lovers and friends who are connected to me.
Well, I thank all of those who were there while I made this discovery and those who did soooo much more to help me and are going to be on the front line for this. I love you all as my friends and Others( you know who you are) I LOVE much More. |
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| Changes |
[Apr. 13th, 2008|08:19 am] |
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| |  distressed | ] |
Hello to 1 and all, A LOT of things have been happening to me these past few weeks and I am not usually a person who is open with them. However, I have reached a part in my life's journey where I think I need to try and let out some of these penned up feelings/emotions to let my FRIENDS know what is going on. Over the past few days/weeks I have had several people tell me I am suck a good friend and I am sooo helpful with them and whatever is going on in their lives. I myself do not rely on my friends to be there to help me when I have issues and , to me i seem hypocritical. How can I help others when I can't help myself.
So, While I still am willing to help others I feel I need to open myself up some and let out some of the stuff out that is going on with me. ALL of my friends have said that they want to be there for me and I have not let them. Well Now I do not know what kind of help I need but I will let other know about my situation and see what happens. As many of you know I am Polyamerous and I have 3 current Lovers. S, C, and K. They each are wonderful and give me more love than I deserve. Recently I have been feeling like I am not giving them enough to make them satisfyed emotionally and definately not enough attention. I also live with my 14 yrd daughter who I didn't think knew about my being poly. Well, That all came to an decisive end this weekend, We went out to a party( G rated) this friday night with other friends and it came out to my daughter. She seemed to take it rather well in that she talked with C and refused to talk to me about it, she didn't even want to talk to S about it either but she just closed up for a while. Now C has been with me the Longest but C has others and even has her Hubby, K has been with me next but she was not their. S is the newest Lover but is also Very close with my daughter. so for my daughter to talk with C about this a little is suprising to say the least. Anyway, Yesterday I had to try and explain what it ment to be Poly to her and while she didn't want to hear it exactly I finally came out to her and explained that I have the 3 Loves. I found it hard to do that because How can I teach a 14 yrd about Love and waiting for Sex when I have 3 lovers who I can have sex with.
It is still a learning process and I hope that she will come to me and ask me more questions and we can develop a stronger dialog on the subject and I can help her atleast understand it more. The 1 thing my daughter has said is that Thats YOUR choice Dad But I will NEVER do that and I don't approve of that for Her, But, If thats what I want to do than Just do it.
Part 2 of my weekend. I have been putting myself under HEAVY pressure about being a man of my word and also Being Master to my slaves. I have 2 slaves. S and K are my slaves and I have recently found for myself that I have NOT been doing all to well at that. Both of them say I am doing good and that they Love me and want to serve me very well. They do serve me well But I feel that I am NOT serving them well. I seem to NOT have the intensity or the energy to maintain my Master duties. Their are times when they need me to be Strict and be in the "Master Mode" but I can't get myself into that mode. I can't explain why But I just let other things outside affect the way I react or do things. I feel that I need to soul search and find out How to be a Good Master Before I can really Be a Master. I have No idea where I am going to find that But I need to start to look for it But I am sure that the Goddess will help me find the path.
Well thats enough of my rantings, Thank you for all Being my friends.
Mike |
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| New update |
[Mar. 15th, 2008|01:18 pm] |
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| |  nervous | ] |
Well, its been 4 weeks or so since I wrote but a few things have happened that are note worthy. Firstly and most important is that my daughter and I have moved into our own apartment. Its a BIG adjustment for both of us but it seems to be working out for the better. Since this is an area where I am suppossed to let people know about me and some of my more personal feelings and thoughts. Well here goes, I have been talking to a counselor about my anger management issues and about the high level of stress that is in my life right now. I am having to face a LOT of deep rooted issues that I have thought were done and over with but Obviously they are not.. So for all who are reading this I would like to ask for your support and help and understanding over these next few months. I KNOW some of the changes that are going to be happening will be drastic and will be difficult but in the long run it will be for the best. I am hoping to have a circle here at my house sometime or at the very least I want to have a Get together over here. I am looking foward to the summer months with some of the activities that will be going on Like FSG and summer circles. Maybe even going Camping with some of you. Well I am not usually a long writting person so I will stop for now. Hope to hear from you all soon. |
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| quick update |
[Feb. 12th, 2008|07:06 pm] |
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| | bouncy | ] |
Just sending out a quick update to all who know me. Life is going well for me this week, I registered to take my Lifeguarding classes so I can be a Lifeguard at FSG, YAY me! My daughter is doing well and is still living. We are getting closer it seems even when life is harder. The BIG News is I did my First Priesting on Saturday February 9, 2008. I was nerveous but I had a great priestess and a FANTASTIC Summoner/Teacher. I never realized how much Energy the Priest recieves and than focuses to the Priestess. I was tingling for a good while and I think I am just now starting to come down from the energy high. I want that feeling More and More. Well thats all for now. Talk to you all later. |
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| Long day |
[Feb. 6th, 2008|08:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  numb | ] |
Well, I know its been a while since I posted on my LJ but I have been asked to start again so here I go. I have had a lot of ups and downs over the past few weeks and its been an adventure. I mean I am still trying to learn how to deal with my 14yrd daughter and her living with me Full time, my work , my emergency squad, my Finances, and last on my plate is my relationships with my loves. That in itself is a whole lot to post Mostly because I am still learning that I can't please everyone like I think I can. I mean All my lovers state that they are happy and Yet I still feel like I am not good enough for them. I have to learn that If I am feeling like I am not doing enough there is only 2 things i can do to solve that issue. 1 I can give more time or effort to the time that I do give to each of them. 2 I can just leave things the way they are and just accept that they are all happy with what I do give them. Well, right now my brain is mush so I will stop for now and try to pick it up when my mind returns to solid form. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2007|07:08 pm] |
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| |  happy | ] |
I Am A: Neutral Good Human Druid (5th Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength-15
Dexterity-14
Constitution-17
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-15
Charisma-15
Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.
Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.
Class:
Druids gain power not by ruling nature but by being at one with it. They hate the unnatural, including aberrations or undead, and destroy them where possible. Druids receive divine spells from nature, not the gods, and can gain an array of powers as they gain experience, including the ability to take the shapes of animals. The weapons and armor of a druid are restricted by their traditional oaths, not simply training. A druid's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast.
Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus</a></b> (e-mail)
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2007|11:50 am] |
Your results:
You are Will Riker
| Will Riker |
| 75% |
| James T. Kirk (Captain) |
| 70% |
| Jean-Luc Picard |
| 60% |
| Worf |
| 60% |
| Chekov |
| 55% |
| Uhura |
| 55% |
| Spock |
| 54% |
| An Expendable Character (Redshirt) |
| 50% |
| Beverly Crusher |
| 45% |
| Data |
| 41% |
| Leonard McCoy (Bones) |
| 40% |
| Mr. Scott |
| 35% |
| Mr. Sulu |
| 35% |
| Deanna Troi |
| 35% |
| Geordi LaForge |
| 20% |
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At times you are self-centered
but you have many friends.
You love many women, but the right
woman could get you to settle down.
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Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Quiz
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